The Ballad of Jackylkuhn

Kratos is hot

2008-06-27T23:22:31Z

Yes. Kratos is very hot and sexy. Muscles and Tattoos are my new thing, oh yes...oh fuck yes...*sighs* He's dreamy.

Kiss of betrayal

2008-06-17T01:55:30Z

I know a Suethor. But she's always been nice about my lame fics...Should I spork her or be nice and wait for someone else? Hmm....I wonder....

Jackyl is a nerd

2008-04-28T17:06:20Z

Jackyl is now spending all his spare time looking for Juggernaut/Jackal slash fics. If you know of any, please show them to me. Oh, also I'm going in the fucking clinic again.

Sad

2008-03-02T20:46:21Z

I'm sad. I'm really sad and depressed, I feel like I can't do anything and I don't want to, I don't want to work, eat, go to school, play WoW, all I wanna do is curl up in a corner and cry.

Whatever....

2008-02-11T13:42:19Z

It's almost valentines day and I hate my life....I want to die, this sucks ass, if I tell anyone they'll put me back in the clinic and I'm not enjoying this....it sucks...I don't even know what I'm typing right now and I don't care, I'm miserable, lonely, no one likes me anymore....this sucks....I'm out....

Hospital

2008-01-04T17:19:38Z

Well, I was drawing a slit wrist in chemistry class and wrote 'drip precious rubies' on the paper and it looked like blood 'cause I wanted it too. Because I'm the sort of boy who sits with his arms folded, I sort of tried to be snide and snotty, but it didn't work and I ended up admitting I was depressed and so basically I just sort of broke down and my mom got called and I'm probably going to the hospital...Know what? Let's make this more interesting:

Now here's a story all about how
My life got flipped and turned upside-down
So I'd like to take a minute,
Just sit on down and I'll tell you how I got sent to the clinic downtown
In Paris, France born and raised
But in Charleston, SC's where I spend most of my days
Writin' and drawin' and doing theater outside of school
Till a couple of goth kids who were up to no good
Started causin' trouble in my neighborhood
I drew a coupla pictures and my mom got scared
And said you're going to the clinic outside the city right there!

I whistled for the bus and when it came near
The license said 'Clinic' and had red cross on the mirror
If anything I could say this bus was rare
But I said 'naw forget it, yo homes to the clinic there'
I pulled up to the clinic round seven or eight and I said to the driver:
'Yo homes, smell ya later!'
Then I looked at the clinic, I was finally here
And I sat in my chair and said 'Get me a fucking beer.'

Jackylkuhn presents! I would totally do him!

2007-11-14T14:54:26Z

Hello! Here's my new column. I would totally do him! A page where I talk about random fictitious people I would totally sleep with!

1. The Juggernaut; any ghost that big must have a gigantic ghost dick. Day-ahm! I would love to take that!
2.Freddy Krueger; Claws are hot and kinky, 'nuff said.
3.Non fictitious historical figure Cesare Borgia; he was a war hero, a religious figure and a known bisexual who poisoned his own family members to get ahead! That's sexy.
4.Voldemort; He's hot, Harry's not. He looks like a really sexy snake.
5.The Phantom of the Opera; Even if he is essentially a living skeleton, I would totally do him!
6.Cthulu; He's a tentacle monster.
7.Daelen Red Tiger; If you don't know him, go play Neverwinter Nights.
8. Thrall; He's a big 'ol orc with spiked armor, yay!
9. Rexxar; Screw Thrall! Rexxar's bigger and more feral!
10. Grendel; He can give me lovebites and also he's so cute and lonely! Aww!

A modest proposal

2007-09-24T03:27:40Z

Now, years ago, a witty Irishman came up with a very clever solution to hunger in Ireland. Eating babies. Now, not to say it was a terrible idea, but it lacked certain...variables such as when a person needs more to eat than just tender bottlecap sized baby cutlets. Now, suppose there was a bigger humanoid which could be eaten, say, an adult male. There's a good proposal. Take all the verbally abusive shitbags who should not be fathers and send them all the the slaughter. Make 'em into some nice juicy steaks. Yes sir, no more puny veal for me, fat juicy steaks dripping in A1 steak sauce (yeah, it's that important).

Also, while babies are irritating, they're quite cute and also the pro-life freaks would get their panties in a wad if you ate babies. But since many pro-lifers are pro-death penalty, the death of a grown man is nothing to them, so therefore impatient, cruel and nasty fathers are an ideal source of nutrition in a starving society. Also, many fathers grow immense amounts of body hair and thus can be used for coats after they've been eaten, plus with bigger bones, weapons and furniture could be fashioned for collectors and smaller more indigenous tribes in jungles world-wide. Ah, indeed this idea is sounding better and better.

Mothers are more needed than fathers, mothers cook and clean and nurture and when their children are in trouble, adrenaline gives them the strength of ten fathers, so that's all the family's needs right there rolled into one much less apelike package. Granted, father's get far less emotional than mothers do most of the time, there would be some men left over, the ones who don't fail at parenting and at life. Oh, undoubtedly some women need to be destroyed too (i.e. feminazis) those women would be rounded up and used as cattle while women who aren't as hopelessly bitchy and irritating would prepare them to be used as food and sources of fluids and organ harvests for those with illnesses.

In closing, I leave you with this thought:
Feminazis would be no more, just agree with me on that at least.

jackylkuhn @ 2007-09-11T09:45:00

2007-09-11T13:58:39Z

Hello, friends, as you all know, my name is Ryan Kuhn and I am here tp make a public statement about slashfiction. Slashfiction is quite the popular phenomenon in the world of fan persons. I’ve seen at least one about Horace and I and I must say, I completely adore it! It is SO much better than the drab fics wherein I am paired with Dana or some random woman or made to be the worst rapist imagined. Now, Horace and I share similar thoughts and feelings that make no romantic link between us at all, and yet they have led to one.

I’ve never had a problem with him and he is also rather interesting. Well, onto my press statement. Slash fiction is the lifeblood of any fandom and lord knows Thir13en Ghosts is obscure. Also it can sometimes scare Suethors away because it causes bombardment with flames from decent writers. Also I am a Jack the Ripper copy cat killer and therefore I do not rape. Jack the ripper just cut out organs and that isn’t so bad, I mean, I love nothing better than fresh kidney (except perhaps Dana’s home made chicken sandwiches. They are delicious.)

And in conclusion, this has been Ryan Kuhn’s press statement on slash fiction. Remember, humans are overpopulating. Homosexuality is the cure for this terrible phenomenon which is producing more and more pimps and prostitutes every day. Remember, spay or neuter your child (unless they’re extremely smart or gay). Especially spay or neuter them if they’re a fucktard or, as Comedy Central viewers may better understand… a “Dee dee dee.” Thank you. Oh, and once more! Natural Selection for the win!

Oh, also please keep in your hearts and prayers all those who died on this day six years ago. Also, George Bush may be a terrible president, but terrorists do deserve to die for their crimes against humanity. Fuck them. They deserve it.

Poor old Jack(yl)

2007-09-07T01:29:55Z

Well, I just tried to kill myself...I'm packing my things for the hospital any day now to be 'rehabilitated' (which means verbally abused by the orderlies and stuff). I can't get my homework done, I'm gonna fail school...This sucks....Oh god, I just wanna die so bad...Fuck.

Senior Work

2007-07-03T15:09:34Z

God, I hate senior work so much. It bloody sucks. I hate having to sit in school in the middle of the summer just to get some boring work done when I could be shopping or playing videogames or going on trips. This is very boring, no way to spend a summer at all and I have a whole nother week of this, which is bullshit as I have a play I need to rehears for.

Oh well, at least I bought a copy of Divalicious, now I've paid my dues to my favorite Sue sporker. It's a very good graphic novel, not my kind, certainly, but it was fairly humorous. The art was good and the characters were very vivid. I just wish it didn't have to be that or the site since both are popular and enjoyable. Hmm. Oh well, maybe one day I will write a graphic novel about Jackyl and Juggy...that could be fun..

A few things about Jackyl that need to be addressed.

2007-06-09T01:06:08Z

Alright, let's just cut to the chase here:

1. If you like me, that does not neccessarily mean I like you. I try to avoid outright rudeness, so you may not know, but if I politely disregard your comments or other such contact attempts, it's safe to assume I'm either on vacation, dead, or just generally dislike you.
2. I'm a mutt, dammit, I'm not a 'hot little asian yaoi boy omg lolololol' and I'm not a 'poor struggling refugee' or a 'sophisticated French romeo'. I'm an American citizen. I may have been born in France, but I am legally living in America at this moment and therefore I am American.
3. I'm not political. I'm just gay, it's how I am, I don't know why, but I don't dislike it. Infact, I rather enjoy it and therefore feel no reason to make it a struggle by dragging politics in.
4. I'm a mixture of religions because I believe in accuracy and general religious acceptance (by all rights, this should make me an atheist due to so much fucking tension and such, but what the hell?)
5. I HATE spoiled brats who whine about nothing. I work for my money and belongings, so can you.
6. I will not give you WoW money, Gaia Gold, Neopoints or Ebay gift certificates and counterfeit money, earn it yourself for crying out loud, I did, so can you.
7. I spend a majority of my day hating things. Please make an effort to pull your head out of your ass so you do not become one of them.

jackylkuhn @ 2007-05-31T18:09:00

2007-05-31T22:11:07Z

Well, can't say I expected to be invited to join a C2 community....Wow......I'm nervous.....I feel like I'm getting recognition now...Only problem is, I don't honestly think my fanfics are any good. Oh dear....Maybe they don't KNOW my fanfics suck yet. Ah shit.

Things that piss Jackyl off that need to be addressed.(for Americans)

2007-05-09T21:00:59Z

Hi there, there're few things I'd like to speak about today before I go and wash my hair as it has become so greasy that I was dry-humped all the way home by horny fanbrats who mistook me for Professor Snape *shudder*.

1. On that note: Harry Potter fantards. You know, the kind who treat the 'Snape: friend or foe' thing like it's the damn O.J. Simpson Case. Damn! The person he killed is not even a real person. Also, these same people do not realize that snape is not SUPPOSED to be handsome. Alan Rickman is just a talented actor who happens to be okay looking and was good for the part...Okay, I lied about okay looking, Alan Rickman is NOT handsome. Okay, now I'll be the first to admit that while I love him to death, neither is Tony Shaloub...come to think of it, Shayne Wyler and John DeSantis(Ryan Kuhn and Horace 'Breaker' Mahoney for those who are not obsessed with Thir13en Ghosts...Oh! John DeSantis is going to be in the new Addams Family too as Lurch, it's very exciting) are not above average looking either, but either way, Snape is not supposed to be some pre-pubescent fangirl's masturbatory aid.

2.People on WoW who argue whether Trolls are Jamaican or African: The accent is Jamaican. Even if they were African, not all Africans would have the same accent when speaking English. They speak many different European languages due to the re-distribution of the country when it was taken over by white men dating back to before victorian times. Also, there are several dialects in Africa for people who either have kept in touch with their heritage or still live in tribes (some Africans, like some people in South America and Even North America and Canada, do still live in tribes. It is a cultural choice. Not everyone has to have a computer and electricity. Some people have managed to live with it. I have not. Kudos to them.). Apart from that, talk to an African American from any different state. He or she will speak differently from another African American in another state. You heard me. NOT ALL AFRICAN AMERICAN PEOPLE SPEAK EBONICS OR WITH JAMAICAN ACCENTS. That's a media portrayal. In the South, many speak with Southern accents. In the North, many have accents relative to their state (note that anyone of any race who has been raised in Philadelphia likely says 'wudder' instead of 'water'. Most black people raised in England speak with a British accent, hell! If an African American is from South Africa and was raised there, they probably have a British accent too unless they grew up in a tribe or in a predominantly German area, but again, mainly British Accents. Also, anyone who is living in Africa and growing up in a French-dominated country may grow up with a French accent. Again, it's about where you're born and raised.) Therefore, Trolls have Jamaican accents, not African. There is a difference. If you were raised in Jamaica, you would have the same accent no matter what race you are, it's something you pick up. Half my mom's family is Japanese, her parents speak with what would be a Japanese accent when speaking French and an interesting mix of the two when learning English, but my mother was raised in France, therefore when she learned English her accent was French. Being raised in France half my life, I had an accent too before living in South Carolina, I now have a bit of a drawl. ACCENTS ARE RELATIVE TO WHERE YOU ARE RAISED, NOT THE COLOR OF YOUR SKIN OR WHERE YOUR ANCESTORS CAME FROM.

3. Racial stereotypes: On that note, I am part French, that does not mean I love Jerry Lewis, eat French bread and escargot and drink wine and smoke cigarettes at cafe`s all day long while wearing a baret, a striped shirt and a red bandana. I'm also part Japanese, but I don't bow or speak softly or eat nothing but sushi and pochy, and I most certainly do not shout 'AH KAMI-SAMA! YAOI KAWAII!' or whatever the fuck fangirls say. Look, I can barely speak Japanese and to be honest, I don't want to learn. I'm sure most fanbrats have European ancestry since many are as American as a tastycake or Carolina bar-b-que, but none of them seem to care to learn the language of their people, so why the fuck should I? I'm also part Sudanese, but that is far back in my blood, I've never been to Darfur, neither has any of my family. I just found out what was happening there last year, I have no deep insight on the subject. I am also part Italian(yes,by now you know I'm a mutt) but that doesn't mean I'm Roman Catholic and eat spagghetti and pizza all the time. I have some Irish blood too, but I don't over-drink and get into barfights or wear green all the time or think Saint Patrick's day is the most important holiday ever. I have Swedish blood, but I am by no means neutral on anything. I have Leni Lenape blood but I don't know a damn thing about the Leni Lenape Native Americans. My best friend in fifth grade was a black American. She hated fried chicken and watermelon and she hated rap and ebonics too. My Spanish teacher doesn't know who the fuck Ricky Martin and Enrique Eglasias are, nor does she give a flying fuck. She's also Colombian and has never seen cocaine in her life. I think I've shattered enough of those stupid stereotypes though.

4.People who say they should have free speech but others shouldn't. Look, I'm gay and I hate gay bashing, but I know that gay bashers have the right as Americans to do what they do, just like I have the right to call Concerned Mothers for America a bunch of...let me see...'Cock-sucking, hate-whoring, uteruses with legs who have morals so old if you blew on them they'd go to dust.' See? I'll bet alot of feminists are mad about my uteruses with legs comment. I understand. Go ahead and call me a cock-sucking chew toy. I really don't care. You can if you want. Free Speech.

5. People who censor art and such: Hey, if I have to look at fat chicks lying on Greek couches and pictures of thousands of creepy little tiny eyes and such in art museums, would it kill you to see a picture of a guy giving head? Indeed? Well, what about a woman eating out another woman? REALLY, now? How about a heterosexual couple? Hmm.. If you answered yes to all of those, you don't have to look at them. There, I said it, no one is forcing you to look at them. If you still feel the need to censor it, then you're a fundy and should be shot by the NRA you love so much.(Yes, I realize that's a stereotype). Music is art too. Theater is also art. Dance as well, cooking too and so on and so forth.

6.People who are so one way about something: I've seen a blog where some moron literally said if you are not a vegan, liberal PETA member atheist who hates anyone who disagrees with you you can't possibly be gay. Yeah, good luck finding a boyfriend, asswhipe. No one can POSSIBLY be that closed minded, I mean really, isn't that just as bad as the white-trash, conservative meat eating gun-nuts who censor everything(note the irony and sarcasm). I'm gay, I eat little tortured baby cows, I wear a real fox tail on my kilt when I go to Irish pride festivals and I'm a firm believer in freedom of religion, political affiliation and life choices. So fuck anyone closed minded enough to say I can't be gay and all that stuff at once.

7.Mary Sues. Enough said. *See Harry Potter fantards above and previous rants on the Mary_Sues community

8. Dumb rednecks who hate something they can't spell (really this is only directed at one person who has been sporked on aforementioned community)

9.Fuckin fundies. (But they can still say what they want, I just hate them for it. That's how it is. You can hate someone, you just can't censor them or take away their rights.)

10.People who fuck you without saying they don't want you anymore, leaving it till after.

Yay!

2007-04-06T18:25:53Z

The Sues I reported are in the new contributions section of Sue Dolls! I'm so happy, think of it! I, Jackylkuhn, submitted the first Thir13en Ghosts Sue Doll. Wow....*tears in eyes* Thank you, Sue Dolls!

I think I'm dying

2007-03-22T14:51:14Z

I seriously think I'm dying, a slow painful death...I think....I'm going to vomit...My head hurts, I can't stay in school, but I have to. I want to go home, I want to go home, really badly....Oh...

Jackyl's Techno Party

2007-03-18T04:05:54Z

"Jackyl, I'm going out for a few minutes. No wild parties with your multiple personalities, remember what happened last time? I am NOT bailing you out of the asylum this time." Juggy said, pulling his coat on, it wasa plastic one because PETA and Greenpeace didn't realize that he was, infact, a tiger and not just a guy with a wierd head wearing a tiger skin jacket.

"Don't worry, I won't" Jackyl said, crossing his fingers behind his back as Juggy left. "Okay, guys, you can come out now! Well, you aren't my personalities, so we should be fine." He grinned as Jigsaw, Leatherface, Otis, that lady from Dead Silence, Bloody Mary, that thing from Jeepers Creepers, Leprechaun, Freddy Krueger, Jason, Michael Meyers, Candyman, Bruce Campbell, the undead captain from Army of Darkness, Sadako, Toshio, the original power rangers, Darth Vader, Darth Sidious, Jar Jar Binks, Greedo, Chewbacca, Jimmy Hendrix's Ghost, Michael Jackson before he was white, Mission Vao from KotOR, Chin Yisou from Saiyuki, Don Quixote, Chai Ka from Jade Empire, Yoshimitsu, Jam Kuradoberi from Guilty Gear, Christopher Carrion from Abarat, Voldo from Soul Calibur, Gir, Chuck Norris, the ghost of Bob Marley, Jesus Christ, Moses, God, Shiva, Vishnu, Odin, Zeus, Pan, some random fairy, Pelor, Vecna, Morradin, Corellon Larethian, Aasmodeus, Grazz'zt, Mystra, The Dark Six,Ace Ventura, Harry Potter, Monk, that dude from Scream, The Phantom of the Opera, Sweeney Todd, Mister Hyde, Jean Valjean, Inspector Javert, Inspector Gaget, Batman and F. Murray Abraham(not Cyrus, just F. Murray Abraham), materialized out of Jackyl's ADD addled mind. "Alright! World of Warcraft techno party!" Jackyl began to run in circles, running through the various imaginary versions of religious, movie, game, cartoon, play, novel, anime etc. characters and random actors and singers. He turned on random foreign techno music and did random WoW dances on his wooden kitchen floor in a pair of socks, till he fell backwards onto his ass and began laughing insanely. "Okies! I'll just dance on the floor!" He rolled around on the floor like Gir until he banged his head and his foot on the cabinet. "Owies!" He blacked out.

"You had an imaginary techno party again, didn't you..." Juggy sighed when Jackyl woke up in bed with Hello Kitty bandaids all over him.

"No, it was all Michael Jackson's idea. He gave me and all these people Jesus Juice...Then Jesus turned the Jesus Juice into wine!" Jackyl insisted.

"Stop blaming pop stars and one of your many religious leaders." Juggy sighed, he then launched into a long, boring lecture about Jackyl's sanity, mental health, physical well-being and the well being of Juggy's expensive house.

"Hey, Juggy, can we have sex?" Jackyl interrupted.

Juggy sighed. "Fine."

Jackyl is depwessed

2007-03-14T12:54:47Z

So, it has come to my attention from a friend that someone who enjoyed one of my fanfictions is prejudice against Christians. This upsets me greatly. I follow religions based upon magic as well as Christianity and religions of philosophy such as Buddhism, you see, and I find the roots of my Christian beliefs in Judaism and similar beliefs in Islam, parallels are also seen in Hinduism...I believe in the validity of all religions, you see, for without Satan, God would be less powerful in most religions, so Satanism must hold truth. Wicca is a religion which accesses the powers of The Goddess (Maiden, Mother and Crone) to perform good magicks such as healing and banishing evil, thus a Christian with an open mind can work side by side with a Wiccan with an equally open mind, Buddhism says to find Nirvana by freeing yourself from earthly ties and what is death in many religions but just that? Freedom to a spirit world, heaven, returning to your higher power. I believe that the power of good Magick may be drawn from your own belief, be it Vishnu, God, Christ, The Goddess, Mohammad or any other power.

Jackyl's Q&A

2007-03-01T13:45:31Z

Hello all, Juggy and I are answering your questions about us and our random stories! Well, that's all the introduction we need, so let's get going!

Q: Jackyl, why are you so gay? You dress like a fucking girl, it's sick, cut it out.
A: Dear asshole, I AM gay, but that should not suggest that I am a transvestite. Boys can wear pink belly-shirts too and they can also wear tight jeans. It's called Emo crossed with, oh, I dunno, underground raver? Punk? Pick one.

Q: Juggy, what the fuck are you?
A: Dear moronic reader who clearly thinks random cursing makes them tougher, I am a Bengal Tiger. I just happen to be a blue Bengal tiger, I am OMG speshul -_-

Incidentally, Jackyl is a Jackal, they look like this:

Q: Why do you hate Mary-Sues so much?
A: I'll tell you what, go look up 13 ghosts on FF.N and see what happens. I recommend hard liquor, peptobismal and weed to try and get through even looking at the titles and summaries.

Q: Will you two ever have sex and post it on this journal.
A: NO!

Q: Why not?
A: Because if you want to see it, you can go masturbate to One Night in Paris. It isn't us, but you can pretend it is if you use your imagination.

Q: What the hell?
A: I have the right to remain silent.

Q: Who's Lena?
A: Lena is my best friend. Okay, so look, there're twelve of us, all based incredibly loosely on The Black Zodiac. In order of who we are...Well, if you've memorized the order in which Kalina reads them in the movie, you'll know:

1. Chang 2. Sammy 3. Maya 4. Marissa 5. Tim 6. Lena 7. Agnes 8. Allen 9. Josephine 10. Marlee 11. Jackyl 12. Juggy. There. You happy?

Q: Christ! All I asked was who Lena was!
A: Well I know you were thinking it.

Q: Was not!
A: I'm not getting into this...Bye.

Friggin Spanish again

2007-02-28T14:16:51Z

El Chacal es aburrido totalmente fuera de su Dios maldice la mente

Seriously, I hate having to take math and Spanish...I wanna go to sleep REEEEEEAAAALLLY bad. I was going to either read or write or draw Juggernaut/Jackal slash stuff, but I can't because if she looks over my shoulder, she'll kill me...Ugh.....Sooooo tired....JUUUUUUGGGGGERRRRNAAAAAUUUUT.... Speaking of Juggernaut, Juggy's at home, lazy bum, he should be getting his lazy ass up and going to college, goddammit.

#1 Rule of Thir13en Ghosts slash:

2007-02-25T03:19:37Z

This is the biggest(*snerk*) rule of Thir13en Ghosts slash fiction:

No matter how big a penis is, it will always fit.

It is also my favorite rule. My little brother was scarred for life when I told him and Juggy was like "Well, we'll see later tonight." to which I responded "Juggernaut you're not" then he was like "Well unless you sleep with, like, Yao Ming, you ain't gettin the height and last time I checked, most sports guys were straight, plus, they're all....bald....I look more like Breaker than they do." and he actually sorta in a wierd, blue haired goth-boy sorta way, does....I guess...He is 6'4" which is, like, 6 inches from being 7'0", so I suppose that does count for something and you know, he does have a good, like, what? 7.5" in his pants, so yeah...Oh! and Lena just sorta went like o0 OMG

Jackyl's yearbook picture

2007-02-25T02:33:36Z

"Hey....Hey Lena." Jackyl poked Lena in her large pink ear. "Leeeeeeena! We have to take my yearbook picture!"

"Okay, Jackyl. Let's take that picture then." Lena replied.

"YAY!!!!!" Jackyl jumped up and down, running to get dressed. "Woot!" He dressed in black leather pants, a tattered shirt and a red cloak. "Yay!!!!! Yearbook picture!!" He jumped up and down, grinning.

"Put on your jacket or you will catch a cold, Jackyl." Juggy didn't look up from his book as he said this.

"Nuh-uh! Don't need it! I'll only be gone for a minute!" Jackyl ran in circles, before running out the door. "Got the camera, Lena?"

"Yup!" Lena said.

"Awesome!" Jackyl grinned, running into the woods. "Into the woods,
It's time to go,
I hate to leave,
I have to, though.
Into the woods-
It's time, and so
I must begin my journey.

Into the woods
And through the trees
To where I am
Expected ma'am,
Into the woods
To Grandmother's house-

Into the woods
To Grandmother's house-" Jackyl began to sing annoyingly over and over again.

"Alright, is this the right place to take the picture? It looks like a good place." Lena said.

"Yeah, let's do this!" Jackyl made a pose and waited.

"The camera isn't working."

"Wait...What?" Jackyl blinked.

"It's not working." Lena replied.

"Well, do you have another camera with you?"

"No."

"Okay, then I guess we're walking back through the woods. No big deal." Jackyl grinned.

TWO HOURS LATER

"GODDAMMIT! HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW THERE'D BE ICE!?" Jackyl shouted as he slipped and slid around.

"This is your fault! Hey...Look, there's a way back to the graveyard." Lena said and they ran towards it.

"Aw, fuck me!" Jackyl shouted in irritation, banging on the fence that blocked their way.

"Well, what now?"

"No fucking way am I going back over that ice, we're climbing." Jackyl replied, leaping onto the fence and beginning to climb. However, Jackals, unlike cats(which were also revered in Egypt), could not climb very well and so Jackyl fell on his ass. "GOD FUCKING DAMMIT!"

"What now, genius?" Lena asked.

"We're going to have to go back to the road." He replied.

"Alright."

"Hell yes! There's a hole in the fence!" Jackyl grinned, bounding towards it and leaped through. Finally, they arrived home and fetched another camera, they then headed back to the graveyard to the dam overlooking the man-made lake where poor people and the mob dump dead bodies. "OH, FUCKING SWEET! Take a picture from behind!" Jackyl said to Lena. They climbed the dam and she took it, then showed it to him. "Nope, not good enough, go stand on that hill across from the dam."

Lena rolled her eyes and clammered down the dam, then running up the hill. She snapped the picture and hurried back.

"Nah, not good enough, I wanna try one like that scene where the ghosts reach down to get Cyrus. So lay down and snap the picture upwards." Jackyl said. Lena rolled her eyes and took the picture.

"Perfect!" Jackyl grinned and they headed back to Juggy's house. "Okay, so...Oh shit, the garage is open and the door is unlocked...WE MUST SEARCH THE HOUSE!....SURVIVAL HORROR GAME STYLE!" So Jackyl grabbed a kitchen knife and Lena grabbed a hockey stick. They searched the house slowly and stealthily before finally deciding they were safe.

"Yay!!!! But where's Juggy?" Jackyl looked around. Finally he found a note.

'Gone to the book store to buy another self-help book on how to deal with Jackyl. Back in five- Juggy'

"Aww, twu wuv!" Lena laughed.

My Thir13en Ghosts fic

2007-02-21T22:34:09Z

Okay, so I purposely put three Sues in Ryan Kuhn's background story. I call the game "Find the Sues!" I'll give you a hint: It's not Ryan or Jack or Molly.... I actually added the characters that ARE Sues in because some twelve year old Suethor accused Molly of being a Sue on the grounds that she slept with Jack the Ripper...She didn't. Jack's name is Jack O'Connell alias 'Wolf Claw Jack, Werewolf of the Emerald Isle'. He IS Irish, but he isn't a werewolf...He's a regular entirely human mortal human being. Yup. The only monster in this fic is Corvair Anderson, who becomes the reason Ryan goes to America because personally, I like to think he's English like Jack the Ripper. But anyways, yeah, I'm actually afraid to go further with it because my friend made a suggestion that makes me think the character in question would be a Gary-Stu. The problem here-in is that there's a good reason for this character to be that way. He's going to look like Horace Mahoney, thus leading Ryan to end up in love with him since Juggernaut/Jackal is my favorite pairing and I've only ever read one fanfic about it and think there ought to be more. But anyways, I'd appreciate if you'd give me some help whoever reads this. The site is www.fanfiction.net/~JackylKuhn

Lena and Jackyl play dress up

2007-02-19T21:01:34Z

"Hiiiiii Jackyl!" A chipper voice sang out as large stale muffins...or were they rocks? Jackyl was too tired to tell, were thrown at his window.

"Oh, hey Lena, how's things with Sammy?" Jackyl asked sleepily, looking out the window at the pink foxgirl. and rubbing his eyes.

"Well, you know, same old thing. Oh well, anyways, I wanted to know if you wanted to play dress ups!" Lena called up, grinning cheerily.

"I'd rather play bother Juggy." Jackyl responded. "But Juggy is out for the day, so sure." And with that, he jumped out the window.

"Yay! I got a Magical Girl costume kit yesterday that we can play with!" Lena grinned. "Oh hell no!" Jackyl shook his head in annoyance, but Lena dragged him to her house anyway. "Yay! You look so good in purple!"

"Thanks...Can I go home now?" Jackyl asked, feeling uncomfortable.

"Not until you're fully in costume!" Lena said, holding up a purple and black lace thong.

"Oh god no!" Jackyl shouted, running into a closet and locking himself in.

"Jackyl, you'll have to come out sooner or later to go home to Juggy!" Lena cooed wickedly. Then she made sounds as though she were walking away.

"I think she's gone..." Jackyl said to himself, creeping out of the closet.

"GOTCHA!" Lena shouted, pouncing on him, pulling down his underwear and yanking the thong onto him.

"OH SWEET CAPTAIN CHRIST, WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU!?" He whimpered in annoyance.

"You can go home now if you want." Lena smiled, satisfied.

"You bitch." Jackyl whimpered, leaving and walking home.

"Sammy called and said you and Lena were playing dress ups today, so I took the liberty of calling the hospital just in case." Juggy said, looking up from his book which was entitled 'How to live with Jackyl and not kill yourself or get 25-life'.

"Well, I'm home." Jackyl grinned.

"You're wearing a thong aren't you? That's just gross." Juggy gagged.

"Lena made me wear it!" Jackyl whined.

"Ryan Kuhn would not wear a thong, I guess you're not Jackyl anymore." Juggy smirked.

"Yes I am! It was a non-consensual thong dressing thingy!" Jackyl squealed in annoyance.

"Well, you DO sound like a castrati and I doubt you'd do that to yourself..." Juggy admitted. "Why don't you go and get changed?"

"Good! I will! Thank you god!" Jackyl threw up his hands and walked off to get dressed.

Jackyl's Chastity Belt

2007-02-19T04:41:57Z

"Well, I've done it, Juggy, I have a chastity belt." Jackyl walked into the living room, legs spread and hands on his hips. He wore a metal belt with a lock on the front which was, infact, locked.

"Wait...What.....Come again?" Juggy began to crack up, beginning to laugh quite hard.

"No, I WON'T come again, because I'm celibate." Jackyl insisted.

"Yeah, we'll see how long that lasts, kiddo." Juggy snorted.

"Er....So yeah...What now?" Jackyl asked, sitting on Juggy's lap.

"Jackyl, if you're going to be celibate, you can't ACT like a whore either." Juggy sighed, shaking his head.

"I'm not! I'm just doing what I always do." Jackyl protested.

"Yeah, you usually act like a whore." Juggy explained

"That's ridiculous, Juggy." Jackyl said, turning around to drape his legs over Juggy's hips and face him.

"See? What you're doing right now is slutty." Juggy said calmly.

Jackyl rolled his eyes. " Yeah? Well I don't need men or women or my own hand!"

"You...wait, what?" Juggy blinked, staring at Jackyl. "You know, it's ashame you're celibate now, because you're really quite hot."

"Aww, Juggy! You really think so!?" Jackyl giggled.

"Sure...." Juggy replied. "Damn, actually, yes."

"Hmmm....Well....If that's how you feel...Hold on, I'll go get the keys." Jackyl grinned, running off to his room. "Here we go!"

"I told him he couldn't stay celibate." Juggy sighed. "He's got alot to learn about self-control." Juggy shrugged, reaching into his laptop case and taking out a condom. "There we go. Once again, seven and a half inches." Juggy reminded the audience staring up at them and shaking his head.

"I'm back, Juggy!!!!!" Jackyl sang out from his room.

"Plague." Juggy murmured under his breath, "Not Juggy, Plague."

"I love you, Juggy." Jackyl giggled and smiled at him.

"Fine, I love you too, Jackyl..." Juggy shook his head, sighing and rubbing Jackyl's black hair. "You're a scruffy little guy, you know that?"

"Yes, you have a wierd tail. It's all kinky." Jackyl grinned.

"Hearing that word from your mouth is disturbing." Juggy grinned.